I recently broke my leg and am hobbling about on either a pair of crutches or a zimmer frame. As everyone knows who has ever done this, the world takes on a different perspective very quickly. My usual armchair is too low. As is the toilet seat. I’d quite like to install a crane in the bedroom to hoist myself into and out of bed. My local coffee shop is 0.3 miles East of here. A two minute walk, Google maps cheerfully tells me. It’s not. I walked it last week and it took me 40 minute. Each way. Life on crutches is different. I can’t do much gardening and getting up the four steps from our kitchen to the gsrden requires military planning. And with time and good weather, my fellow cyclists are out almost every day. Neot me. Not this summer. Getting across the kitchen is a logistical challenge involving clearing the floor of any obstacles, including the dog and lurching with one crutch from doorway to worktop to table finally coming to rest on my chair.

None of this is new to anybody with any kind of physical disability. I’m not claiming parity! What it has again reminded me of is how easy it is to take things for granted. Particularly transitional zones. Sitting watching T.V. is fine until l need the toilet. Using the loo is fine until I want to come back. Going up and down stairs feels as scary as the ascent of Everest with its dizzying drops and unpredictable surfaces.

What has my broken leg got to do with my work as a psychotherapist? Something about mobility. Each morning I’m faced with the question “How long do I spend in bed?” I’ve probably slept badly due to pain .Will be feeling dopey from strong painkillers. Plus, I’m not well. All good reasons for spending more time bed. But another voice tells me that getting up will, ultimately, help my recovery. Abseiling down our windy stairs to fight my way to the breakfast table is part of normal life. Which is why it seems important to do it.

Many of my patients face similar challenges, albeit emotional ones. Do I let my anxiety trap me under my duvet? Will my depression rob me of meeting a friend for coffee? Will I at least post something on Facebook to engage with others? For some their answer is “No. I won’t have yet another duvet day.” Whilst others stay trapped indoors, finding the struggle of another day too much. Part of my work as a psychodynamic therapist is to explore the “presenting past” with my patients. What did they see, hear, experience in their childhood that leaves them feeling so unable to move- even with crutches? Was there an absent parent who was unable to offer the needed emotional support? Or even an actively abusive one who crushed their child’s spirit? For many people coming to see me is their first opportunity to put together past and present. To make connections that might help them make new choices. To decide to get out of bed a little earlier!

But… knowing is only one part. Doing it quite another. So many factors come into play. Some of which i’ll think about in my next blog.