(Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash)



“Mirror, mirror on the wall…” We all know that line, found in Snow White. And the danger that can arise from asking it. It can be very challenging for a counsellor to give an honest answer if their patient asks it. If we are committed to the work, we will want to give an honest answer. But as counsellors, perhaps our task is to find the question within the question. What concerns, hopes and dreams are contained within this question?

“Every time I paint a portrait, I lose a friend“ said the painter John Sargent. Given the nature of a portrait this is not surprising. A photograph simply reflects an image, with no attempt at interpretation. A portrait takes us behind the scenes to give us an idea about the nature and personality of the sitter and aspects that they may not be aware of.

This seeing behind the scenes is a risky business at times. I’ve reduced two close male friends to tears over the years “simply” by making an observation about them that seemed entirely obvious to me. It wasn’t obvious to them! Thankfully there’s enough love for our friendship to have survived my insensitivity. These days I try not to “state the obvious”.

When I’m painting the portrait of a patient, I’m aware of their overall picture. How do they come into the room? Some arrive in a storm - coat off, phone silenced, keys in handbag. They sit down with an “Aaah” of satisfaction and survey the room. They’ve arrived and are ready to attend to me and the work. Another patient comes. Shakes my hand and asks “ Hello Terry. How are you?” before sitting down.

I won’t necessarily comment about these traits, but will log them as part of my portrait.

My “handbag lady” was obliged to be her family’s carer from an early age. If she didn’t remember, the whole family suffered. It’s a role she still occupies in her own family. The other person runs his own company and has a secretary to help him. He assumes things will get done- in the therapy or in the boardroom. In both these cases, seeing the “unseen” adds to the portrait being painted, with attention being paid to all the elements reflected in the picture. That includes those elements which are behind the scenes that draw together and hold the rest of the portrait.