I spent a long weekend last week trying to negotiate the tricky waters of online Group therapy. I had signed up for an introductory course on Psychosynthesis. I’m not sure what I expected, but I got much more than my expectations! I had hoped for some introductory thoughts on how this model related. to other models of psychotherapy. I trained as a psychodynamic therapist- Freud et al- and therefore came with a strong theoretical model in my mind. I had an idea that Psychosynthesis added a spiritual dimension to the work. (It does in some ways. It uses the idea of one’s Guiding Star to represent the Other.)

The whole tenor of the workshop left me wrong footed and discomforted. I had signed up for some information giving with the possibility of some experiential work. (Which was, in fairness, the model. But the group therapy element dominated.) So why am I “complaining”? I’m trying not to complain about the course, which “did what it said on the tin”. I am trying to reflect on my experience of this introduction.

I was lost from the beginning. I’ve been doing clinical work for about 30 years. As a psychiatric nurse then as a therapist in private practice. I’ve been in therapy. I’ve done group work. I know my world. But here I didn’t know my place. Could I comment on the group dynamic going on around me? Could I make a comment on the material someone was sharing? (My concern with doing this was that I would be told that I was overstepping my place. Thus I kept my clinical observations to a minimum.) Equally unclear was how much of myself I wanted to share. I don’t have very many unresolved issues. (Plenty of “issues” but, now, mostly, resolved! Or at least in my consciousness and not buried waiting to haunt me!) But with everyone else “sharing”, not to do so leaves one open to being accused of not being part of the group.

I finished the workshop with mixed feelings. Some sadness. The people were lovely. Mostly I was left feeling angry and confused. (See above.) It took me a long week to reconnect with Me! To come home to myself. A position I have not been in for a long time. Mostly I know who and where I am. Four days of psychosynthesis left me disoriented. If it taught me nothing else, I discovered that I shan’t be applying to do their training. (I’ll have to find some other way of combining spirituality and psychotherapy.) I’ll also try to enjoy being at home with myself more fully.